By Sadhguru
Many people engage in physical relationships but often seem to lack emotional depth. Is this something people choose consciously? Is it healthy? And how should one understand physical intimacy in the larger context of human wellbeing?
Sadhguru: The body remembers, even the skin tone of your forefathers from a million years ago is still remembered. Nothing is truly forgotten. Your body carries an enormous amount of memory. What you hold in your brain is minuscule compared to what your body holds. There is evolutionary memory, genetic memory, karmic memory, and both articulate and inarticulate levels of memory. There is so much stored within this system.
You think you know how to walk, but you understand you can walk only because your body has built that memory. If the body forgets, you would not be able to take even a single step. The body is a repository of tremendous memory, constantly picking up impressions. Every moment, it is recognizing the smell, the sound, the movement, all through continuous recognition happening within the body.
Traditionally, this body memory is referred to as runanubandha, which means the physical memory you build. You can either build this memory consciously or you can take in random and excessive impressions, which can lead to physical and psychological confusion.
In traditional cities like Bangalore, if you tried to give someone salt, they would say, “Keep it there.” This is because they understood that certain substances easily carry memory and if I take it, that memory becomes mine. This awareness is also why, in some cultures such as Hindu tradition, touching each other or shaking hands was avoided. Instead, we join our own hands and say Namaste, because we do not want to go on unconsciously picking up memory.
So, yes the body remembers.
Sexual interaction involves a significant exchange of memory between two people. When there is sexual interaction or any form of intimacy involving the body, thoughts, and emotions, the imprint left in the system is very large. From this understanding, traditionally, it was advised to keep such interactions as simple as possible. What are you trying to build yourself into? Do you want to become a sexual supernova? If that is your conscious choice, that is up to you. But if not, then you mustn’t unconsciously accumulate enormous amounts of physical memory. When this physical memory becomes excessive or complicated, it can reduce one’s sense of ease and joy in life, even if pleasure is present.
However, physical contact is very important between parent and child. A lack of affectionate touch in childhood can later manifest as a desperate longing for physical contact in adult life.
There are certain tantric processes where people prepare themselves for years to distance their awareness from the body in such a way that the body does not pick up memory. But this is done as a spiritual discipline, a sadhana, not as sexual indulgence or promiscuity.
So, this is not a question of morality. It is a question of living sensibly. If you wish to live in such a way that your inner intelligence becomes the dominant force in your life, not your physical compulsions then it is important to keep the body’s memory as uncomplicated as possible.
What people often call “love” today is largely a mutual benefit scheme. Love is not a profit-oriented project, it is an opportunity to become vulnerable, to lose oneself rather than to gain.
Modern relationships have largely been built on physical intimacy. But physical contact is not the only way to establish connection. Investing in emotional bonding is far more meaningful and far more powerful.
