By Kriti Pradhan
“Being a working mother: having to hide yourself on your way to work just so that your baby doesn’t see you. Every single day. It breaks my heart to see my daughter crying, knowing that I won’t be with her for quite some time. And it breaks my heart even harder not being able to go back to her, no matter how much I want to. A working mother’s got to do what she’s got to do.”
The above was a guilt-ridden status I shared on my social media a few years back. Now I am a mother of two children; a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son, and I have lived through many instances where I have found myself being pulled in two directions. A strong sense of tug of war between me as a working professional and me as a mother.
Like many parents, I have experienced parenting guilt in many forms. I have travelled for work and missed small but beautiful moments at home. I have handed over phones to my children when I desperately needed rest or had to attend a meeting from home. At times, when I returned from work, I chose to lie down and spend time on social media as my “me time” while my kids wanted to play with me. For a long time, it felt uneasy, as if I was failing, as if I wasn’t doing enough. I felt that I was neither fully present at work nor fully present with my kids. I even started compensating my unavailability with toys and cute dresses for my kids. But I often questioned myself if I was at all a good mother.
” children do not need perfect parents or materialistic compensation. what they truly need are parents who are emotionally available “
Kriti Pradhan
Over time, I began to realize that I am not alone in the world of parenting guilt and that parenting guilt is incredibly common. In fact, the very fact that one experiences this guilt often means that they deeply care about their children.
In today’s world, where everything is competitive, there is a growing pressure among parents to provide the best for their children; a good education, a nurturing environment, and meaningful exposure while raising confident, emotionally secure, and future-ready individuals. This somehow increases the obligation to work harder and raise professional standards, all while maintaining a balanced home environment. And all of this is expected from self without allowing oneself to feel exhausted. It is therefore no surprise that many parents feel like they are falling short.
However, here’s what is reassuring: children do not need perfect parents, nor do they need materialistic compensation. What they truly need are parents who are emotionally available.
One may think that merely being in the same room as a child means being available. But there is a significant difference between being physically present and being emotionally present. Being in the same room for hours while scrolling through a phone or working, while the child plays alone, does not strengthen the bond in the same way that even half an hour of warm, attentive, and joyful interaction can. This realization helped me overcome much of my guilt around unavailability and instead focus on spending quality time with my children. Guilt full gifts got replaced with moments filled with laughter, innocent conversations, music, and playful games.
Another realization that helped ease my internal tug of war is that my children will only spend a limited number of years where their parents are the center of their world. After a few years that will pass swiftly, they will naturally begin to seek their friends and their independence. This powerful awareness reminded me that the early years I have with them are both precious and fleeting.
Interestingly, this realization did not increase my guilt; rather, it increased my awareness and helped me manage it better. Instead of constantly feeling torn between my profession and my motherhood, I began focusing more intentionally on what mattered most during this phase of life. I started being emotionally present with my children with a freer and less burdened mind. I am now consciously trying to build as many meaningful memories with them as I can.
Another lesson that is required for a guilt free parenting is self-compassion. Parents are only human; they get tired, they need rest, they sometimes feel frustrated, and they also need time to recharge. Often, the standards we set for ourselves as parents are unrealistic and unnecessarily harsh. But parenting is not meant to be flawless. It is meant to be a challenging yet beautiful journey. Acceptance, self-awareness, and emotional regulation therefore become very important along the way. Being kind to ourselves ultimately allows us to be more emotionally available for our children.
As a mother who is also a working professional with a background on psychology, these 4 years journey of parenting has helped me understand the importance of self-awareness, acceptance of the inevitable and self-management accordingly. It has helped me realize that I may not be a perfect parent but what matters the most for my kids is my emotional and quality presence. These learnings have contributed significantly in reduction of my parental guilt and has helped me channel all my emotions in a constructive manner.
About the writer:
Kriti Pradhan is an active member of Smart Parenting Nepal, contributing to initiatives that promote positive parenting while also advancing her professional journey as an HR professional.
